God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
