Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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