Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
