omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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