T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
