I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
