Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
