Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize