Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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