I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My vagina just clenched in fear
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
