I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
