Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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