I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
