3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
