You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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