got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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