the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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