I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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