How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
