i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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