I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
