Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
