My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
