her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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