I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
