I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
