I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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