I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
