im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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