I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In other news, I just burned my penis
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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