My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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