just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
