My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
