i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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