the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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