pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
