Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
