for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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