Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
