Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
