During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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