youre lurking in front of me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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