Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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