We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
