Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We're facebook friends in real life
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
