had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
