Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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