It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
