considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
