oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
