I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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