i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I want to fling myself into the sun
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
