Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
