Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
