brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
