the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
