I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
