We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
In America we eat man semen.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
