R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
