Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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