its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
