I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
