Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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