You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
