Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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