I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
