I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My ass is underappreciated
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
