So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
