it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
