We named our party play list daddy issues
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
