if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
