She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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