never play flip cup with pint glasses
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
