you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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