i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
