Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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