my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
