Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
my liver is dry heaving
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
